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Tenderness — Points for Work & Home
by Rosalinda O'Neill
When I think of tenderness, I think of my grandmother. She showed me much tenderness,
and helped me become a strong loving woman with an interest in helping others. Like she was.
also think of a CEO who demoted an executive in a gentlemanly way when he found out the
married executive had a flirtation with a co-worker. This CEO said to me “I cannot trust him with
company when he cannot be trusted to keep his marriage vows and denies what we know is true.”
Tenderness is a primary essential of business and personal relationships. It is not a
secondary element. Our ability to be tender increases our success by keeping us in quality
human connections, including with ourselves. Everyone needs it: from the President of the
United States to the janitor, from the husband and wife team to the baby. A relationship-based philosophy acknowledges tenderness. It takes strength to be tender. It is often easier to impersonal, or even harsh, as we do our daily life. We are all busy with deadlines, phone calls
return, etc. So, how do you add a little tenderness in your daily focus and enjoy your life?
Tenderness in Business Relationships
- Respect—When you honor your commitments, you are showing respect for the trust your client or colleague gives you. They are being vulnerable with us by hiring us to deliver
our product and/or services. How can you show you appreciate their trust in you more
than you already do? Do what works for you.
- Thoughtfulness—You are thoughtful to a client when you ask them about their family, or other personal concerns or interests. CEOs and other decision makers, and their support staff, welcome being asked a question or two about themselves. The business gets done,
as you know from your relationships with your best clients.
- Kindness—Your staff, or vendors who support you, appreciate being told you recognize they have worked hard to do a good job for you. Show them your kindness through
words or deeds. Bring them a coffee or give extra time off!
It is a myth that we use separate skills for business and personal relationships. Here are some thoughts on respect, thoughtfulness and kindness at home. Find how to apply them
to your actions and manner, including with how you are with yourself. Be creative.
Tenderness in Personal Relationships
- Respect—Think about how you show your respect for your loved one? Do you tell them you respect their opinion, ask for their opinion, or do something they want to do? How
often do you do this? What else do you do? Do it more! It is easy.
- Thoughtfulness—There are so many ways that your loved ones are thoughtful with you. Tell them you appreciate specific things they do for you. How they understand when you have to work late, and miss time with them. Maybe they buy the juice you like at the
store, or get your dry cleaning. Every day you can show your thoughtfulness.
A little goes a long way and comes right back to you.
- Kindness—We need so much kindness. Be aware of being a little more kind in the way you talk and act. You love these people. Be your loving self with them more of the time. Don’t save it for special occasions. And be kind enough to apologize when you err.
Even when you don’t give the daily attention they deserve. It helps. Finally, apply these points to yourself. You will be surprised to see what happens. When I was younger, and not just last week, I felt that successful relationships were a matter of luck. If you were a good person and did the right thing – things would work out. I learned that great lives and relationships don’t just come out of good behavior and character, they also come out of skills. How much success would we have today if we had only been more skilled in building and sustaining professional and personal relationships? I hope refocusing on these skills brings you even more success and tenderness in your life.
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